The first grudge my wife and I experienced in our relationship came about as a result of outsiders’ interference.
It happened a neighbor told another neighbor, and this other neighbor told another neighbor, and this other one told my wife’s friend – another neighbor – that I was seeing some lady in some street not too distant away from where we lived. We were newly married, about four months into the relationship; innocent, immature, and my wife was carrying our first child.
No woman, more so newly married, can afford to spare that and understandably, the cheap rumor ignited a suspicion. So my wife took it in and decided to sabotage the oneness we had sworn at the altar to embrace. She didn’t communicate her concern to me, only went to her sister to pour her heart out. Meanwhile, I didn’t know what was amiss so couldn’t have been able to address the issue.
Now maybe out of the oneness my wife’s sister shared with her own husband who happened to be a close friend of mine, the troubled woman went ahead and briefed her husband about our situation. He, in turn, came around to let me know what had been going on, albeit out of concern for our relationship.
I didn’t understand it. While the good man tried to put in a word or two, I fixed my eyes confusedly but with deep love and understanding on my wife like she was some UFO from Jupiter who just landed Into Earth to find a cure. The rumor was certainly untrue but my wife gave room to it in the first place; she opened the door to her heart to the outsiders.
That was fifteen years ago and we still always laugh about the incident.
Welcome to the world of the outsiders
Outsiders’ interference is incontestably one of the major causes of strife in relationships, if not the next in rank after money. You must have experienced its wrought one time or the other, or it just has not shown up its ugly face yet. You sure also could have mastered how to put it in its place.
If you belong to the latter class, I say ‘smart sis’, and if not, ‘come close and give me a hug’: in this post is how to never fall prey to the black cat from hell. Yet, I won’t guarantee that! There are tendencies of its coming. It’s just natural.
Because you share space on Planet Earth with in-laws, friends, relatives, neighbors, hyenas, and vampires! Welcome to your outsiders. You can’t do without them. They are like the oxygen you breathe; you have to inhale even while you sleep. They are not bad to share the world with either, and you will always need them at least for emotional survival.
You need them…you don’t need them.
A chunk of your life has to accommodate them or else, you don’t get to live happily (you know how you feel when you have a friend to chat with while you shop in a fashion store, or when you so need to share a little secret with a friend or close relative about some cute, angelic guy you bumped into after church service on Sunday).
But then, the one singular word is CAUTION. You need the outsiders, but you don’t need their interference in your love relationship. Period!
There are ways you can conveniently block out this virus and protect your love life from being corrupted! And that done without being offensive. So, I present to you in this post these hows. But I also like you to know why outsiders’ interference in your relationship stinks.
So we start there.
Why you don’t (ever) need Outsiders’ interference in your relationship
1. Foremost, because you have a standing Holy Order binding you to your soulmate. Mind your business!
Remember the ‘bone of your bone., flesh of your flesh…’ bible lines? Then also: ‘Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife, AND THEY SHALL BE ONE FLESH’. That’s the Holy Order and you guys can’t be any more ONE than that. Glued together with no cracks allowed. Said rightly, no outsider interference allowed.
God is interested in every relationship and to be involved will demand no distractions from you and your soul mate. It actually takes FOCUS and JUST THE TWO OF YOU to move God’s hands. No extra luggage. Anything extra is garbage.
You owe God that responsibility to bear. Successful relationships are built on that principle. I think God really cares. Just complement His care givings by obeying this holy order.
2. Outsiders’ interference in your relationship issues can add negativity to them. Too much hands sour the soup.
Yes, very absolutely! Because the concern the outsiders show via words, though most times harmless, can lay a stone in your heart and ignite your subconscious into embracing doubt, suspicion, irritation, insecurity…, thus worsening the situation.
In turn, you become a threat to the oneness you were ordered to share (and they shall be one flesh). It’s like setting out to demolish the foundation of your relationship by your own self.
Remember my experience. I was accused wrongly but my wife didn’t get that. Be it true or false, there was a threat on her security, and that was all her reason to fight back. You are a woman and I don’t see you any different. No woman will want her emotion(s) being tampered with.
This is fair to you but I will rather advise you ignore the outside and work on the inside. When you have a grip on the inside (that is presenting yourself as the best woman in the world your hubby was fortunate to find and then making him see you are very right), nothing on the outside can be a threat.
3. You may be at risk of falling prey to the predator. Welcome home, dinner!
An outsider may not be an angel you envisage her to be, especially if she is a friend (I’m very blunt on this!). Either you or your soulmate may be the target, and you may realize you just walked into a trap by welcoming interference in your relationship.
Life is a bet. Sometimes you are likely to find things in places you didn’t place them. Life is a bet, but the good thing about life is you have the unquestionable privilege to be on guard. Make friends and enjoy friendship. But don’t get too close and always watch your back. That’s your privilege!
My point actually...
Always resist the urge to call in outsiders to vent your frustration anytime you have issues in your relationship. It’s nothing more than attempting to destroy a building with a bulldozer. Doing that is tantamount to spreading unfavorable thoughts about your hubby to others.
You will eventually forgive him when the issue is resolved but outsiders, out of concern, will retain the issue and the position they hold on it for a long time, even without you knowing it. The role they play just doesn’t make sense!
You two are ONE. Don’t leave room for outsiders to belittle your man. If you do, it will produce a poison within your relationship that will bring forth a harvest of trouble in the days to come. Most certainly.
Three things that help you guard against the outsider virus
Here are three things I’d like you to imbibe so to avoid outsiders’ interference in your relationship:
1. Always see your relationship (and your home) as the major assets of your life. Position them in your subconscious as too precious to you to be toyed with by anyone.
2, Be selective of who you hang out with, and for those you hang out with, set boundaries. Draw the line by avoiding discussions that are luring. In other words, you must guard the entrances of your heart, that is, your mouth, ears, and eyes, being your possible links to outsiders’ interference.
3. Lastly, avoid being in the outsider position to your friends, relatives, and neighbors. They will appreciate your interference in their relationship at some point, and they will naturally expect an invitation to interfere in yours.
Get that? Talk to you again soon.